For a Wanderer Soul

I am trying
to reach the point where I can forgive you
and able to look back the memories with the touch of smile

I know I will reach that point.

Walking wounded, I may now
And shattered, you can say so…
But I will heal by the time goes by
As I would realize,
That I am worth more than just mourning the lost love

It does not matter how long it was spent,
as the love, care and hopes mounted are not bind to the dimension of time
they grew faster than the harvested rice field

Ah, if only there is a way to master the destiny
I would fill your life
with nothing but the colours of rainbow,
the sweetest of honey bee,
the fresh of morning due,
and the peace of the sound of water flows on the mountain

But who am I to tell someone’s heart?
not even Kings can order how it should be
as The True Owner Himself has given the bless of freedom upon it
and it may not be the things you desire

Dear wanderer soul,
In this wide universe of skies,
I sincerely wish you can find what you are looking for

Just watch your steps, if I may ask,
as sometimes the world hides endless through
And be careful,
as mines of traps can be spread around,
disguised under the sparks of beauties
- - -

I am heading
to the point where I will forgive you
and able to look back the memories with the touch of smile;
Healed.

I know I’ll get there.
Soon.

Read More....

Cerita si Papan Tulis (arsip jadul SMU 3 IPA 2)

Hoaaaaahmmmm....
Waaaahhh... udah pagi lagi
Oh iya, hari ini masuk tahun ajaran baru nih!
Setelah kurang lebih sebulan ditelantarin... akhirnya bakalan diperhatiin lagi sama anak anak..
Walaupun kadang nyebelin. Habis badanku yang mulus jadi kayak buah cempedak... putih semua..
Tapi itu emang udah tugasku sih.

Setelah tiga minggu, suasana yang kaku sudah mulai berganti akrab.
Aku sendiri sudah mulai hafal dengan wajah, nama dan tabiat mereka.
Ada Rizky yang suka jahil, Ernest yang... rada rada aneh kali ya... Koko - Toto yang suka ngocol, Rianti yang lincah, Sukma - Suzanny yang suka main bulu tangkis (waaaa...ngarang! itu mah Susi Susanti, Lily yang serius, Tigor yang jago bola...
Ada juga barisan anak anak maniesz yang berjilbab - ada Yovanka, Cindy, Nur Azizah, Ratu, Diah..
Oh iya, ada anak baru lho.. namanya Rendy. Tapi ya, ampuuunn...! Tiduuuurrr aja kerjaannya.

Tapi baru beberapa minggu, sudah ada anak yang pindah kelas. Jadi posisi ketua kelas sekarang dipegang sama anak yang namanya Widi. Dan masih banyak lagi anak yang lain yang bermacam macam tabiatnya.

Hmmmm.... sudah beberapa bulan aku jadi tumpuan tulisan di kelas ini. Otomatis aku sudah banyak menyaksikan peristiwa yang terjadi pada anak anak itu...

Gelak tawa mereka waktu Pak Simamora becerita tentang masa mudanya, atau muka tegang mereka saat diajari Bu Wiwi (kikikikikikik). Kegelisahan dan celingak celinguk mereka saat waktunya ulangan.. kekhawatiran dan perhatian mereka saat si Koko jatuh waktu olahraga.

Akupun pernah dijadikan alat untuk menghukum mereka.
Saat itu pas pelajaran fisika. Kebetulan yang mengajar waktu itu adalah wali kelas mereka, Pak Marzuki Siregar.
Entah kenapa, semua anak laki laki di kelas ini membenturkan kepalanya padaku.
Ada yang langsung... ada yang ragu ragu... ada yang mantap, ada juga yang pasrah... hahahahahahah....

Bikin geli sih kalau dipikir pikir... tapi haduuuhhhh... apa mereka ngga tau kalau badanku jadi sakit semua...

Tapi dua hari setelah peristiwa itu, aku menyaksikan hal yang luar biasa.
Anak anak itu menyiapkan sebuah kue ulang tahun untuk wali kelas mereka, tanpa ada rasa dendam.

Tidak bisa kulupakan ekspresi wajah yang terpancar dari Pak Siregar.
Kelihatan sekali bahwa ia sangat terharu ketika anak anak menyanyikan lagu ulang tahun dan memberi selamat satu persatu kepadanya.
Ah, rupanya guru yang terkenal galak ini ternyata bisa terharu juga, ya...

Dan kini, tak terasa tinggal dua bulan lagi mereka akan pergi dari kelas ini.
Walaupun berbeda-beda, tapi mereka ounya satu kelebihan yang menjadikan mereka 'lebih' daripada yang lain yaitu 'kekompakan'.

Yahhh... walaupun aku jarang diperhatikan, tapi aku cukup bangga jadi papan tulis kelas mereka.. :)




Read More....

Letter to you, 26 July 2010, 00.10

Assalamualaikum wr, wb

Kanda, how are you?
Hope you're doing fine..

My goodness, we have not been talking for quite a while, have we?

There were soo... many things happened in my end. And most of them were the process and results of my stubborn-ness, my pride, my stupidity.

And for all 'bad' things that happened to me, I always tried to blame and look for everybody's faults, except my own.
And all those times, I felt anxious worry, upset, angry... and not happy.

And so my conscious alerted me that there got to be something wrong.
And only when I begin to to look into myself, I could see things clearer.
The only one who was responsible for my unhappiness is actually myself.

I was too proud of myself, of what I could do, of what I have given, of what I have...

While the truth is: I have nothing.
And I can do none.
That all the things that I thought I have are actually owned by God.
All the abilities, talents, knowledge, achievements, belonging are 'amanah' or 'responsibilities' that I need to take a very careful of.

And my, how I was blind to think that I am 'someone' or 'something'... that I feel that I 'can'. Or in Sundanese 'ngarasa bisa'.

Because once I think that 'I can' or 'enough' - then I stop improving.
And when someone stops improving, they will stuck at where ever they are, like a frog inside a coconut shell. Feels that he / she is at the top, but it really is not.

May God grants us a continuous self-awareness to realize that we are only His humble creatures, could do nothing without His help.

And may He always lighten up our ways.

Good night, Kanda...
Sleep and rest well...

Read More....

Mom

I was born in a humble and modest family.
I would say we might be poor in belongings/possessions, but we are rich in heart.

My father was a writer. A drama script writer. Not a big / famous one, though. Actually, you can say that he was an unemployment, because he only wrote when there were orders. And the order weren't often. Luckyly, he could do some reflexology massage. So at some or other times, people would use his service. But the money was very small.
My mom is a full-time housewife and a very good mother.
I had a big brother, Wisynu (now 33) and little sister Dayu (now 27).

We spent our childhood very happily in used to be a slum area of Jakarta.
It was so much fun!


And so... although we only stayed in rental houses (we still do now ) and moved several of times, rarely had decent foods to eat (there were those times when we only able to ate rice with salt, or rice with chili sauce, or made the rice into porridge), we were happy.

Because Mom, being very intelligent, creative, patient and devoted as she is, always made us feel that it was such an adventure!

And we never asked too much or complaining (we never complain or sulk for any toys or clothes or anything) - because she gave us the understanding and explained to us about the situations.

Other than that, she is a good cook, so we always find our foods to be delicious, and she would sew our clothes from left-over materials and made cool clothes for us...

She puts in us the principles of good manner, kindness, honesty, truthful, respect and tolerance through bed time stories which she knew from her Mom, or the ones she created herself.

She tought us about fairness and sharing by dividing everything the same for all of us (for the kids and also for the parents). If we got one piece of cake, then we would get each smaller pieces of the cake. If we got fruits, Mom would divide them so that each of us would get the same amount and size of the fruits. So none of us would be unhappy or dissatisfied.

She tought us creativity through her cook, or her sewing. Always able to find ways - using the available materials (no matter how limited they are) and made them into masterpiece...

She tought us about appreciation.
Mom always says that your words and manners are very important.
We should say 'thank you' to anyone who does something for us - no matter how small it is to show them our appreciation and respect.

There was once that my brother came to our house with dirt all over his feet, and made the whole floor dirty with mud. It was because he brought back wild flowers from plants which grew in the middle of a swamp nearby our place.
My Mom did not angry at all to him, despite the fact that she must do the sweeping and the mopping all over again.
Instead, she took the flowers, put them in a vase, kissed him and said 'thank you', and clean him.
"Always appreciate the good intentions behind, although it appears not pretty"

We should say 'sorry' to anyone if we make any mistake. Saying 'sorry' for our mistakes is not a weakness. It is a strength instead. We must always try not to hurt others' feelings.

She never laughed at our ideas when we were kids - no matter how silly it was, and she always supported them.

I remember one day, I thought I had this brilliant idea! - the invention of the century!
I found that by walking with one of our hand spinning (big round spins) - will make us move faster...
I told Mom about it, and she walked with her hand spinning, all the way across the street until I couldn't see her again as she turned.
I was soo.. proud of myself at that time... Now to think of it again, it was soooo damn silly! hahahahahah.

But I think it was because of that (her supports towards our ideas) which make us not afraid of speaking our minds or giving our ideas.

She tought us loyalty, sacrifice and devotion as well as obedience by being a pure housewife despite of her desire to continue her study and get a career - simply because my father said no. As he believes that the role of a wife is within the house - to take care of the family. (well, I may have different opinion about this, but I still appreciate her decision)

She tought us love towards our home land (especially the land of West Java) by singing us traditional songs before we went to bed, or at any occasions we are together - and she has angelic voice too...

She can also be very much fun, not being a traditional mother. She always try to understand what is happening. She likes to joke and irritating us (in a fun way!).
When we were kids, she did things like: hiding and surprising us, drawing a face on my brother's bald head when he was a baby... hahahahahah

She is basically our friend.
That's why you may notice that we would have girls' day out (either the three of us go out together, or only me and her, or Dayu with her) to movies or performances and dining out afterwards.
And this is why there is no secrets between us because we are friends.
And it is better for her that we let her know anything because that means we appreciate her - taking her as 'insider'.

All and all, she has major role in shaping us as we are right now.
On how we see life, and how we interact.
We could never do enough for her - as we owe her our lives.
Her happiness, is one of my goals in life...

Read More....

Ketika Sang Rembulan Balik Mencinta Sang Pungguk

Saat pungguk betina mencinta Sang Rembulan jantan,
diusirnya jauh jauh segala harapan

"Ini cukup rasaku saja.
Mencintanya dengan merindunya...
Mencintanya dengan menatapnya,
Dan meresapi terang samar yang sampai jika langit tak berkabung mega"

Sadar akan terbatasnya sang waktu,
Sang pungguk memilih jujur berwakca
"Aku cinta padamu!", serunya, menitip kata pada hembusan Sang Bayu

Dan tak letih ini dilakukannya,
semenjak raga mengenal cantik Sang Rembulan

Pun mengerti,
akan jarak dan beda yang kadung terjadi,
namun ini tidak pula menghalangi

Pernah kawan mempertanyakan,
Kenapa sampai gerangan
Anggap saja demikian
Hati sang pungguk sungguh nian keras kepala
Tak bisa dibujuk bujuk
Pun tak mempan walau dirajuk

Sampai satu waktu,
saat garis edar tak terlalu jauh dari bumi,
bercakaplah keduanya

"Aku juga mencintamu", balas Sang Rembulan

Dan terpanalah alam semesta
Sang punggukpun seakan tak percaya

"Walau demikian, lantas mau apa?", lanjut Sang Rembulan
"Ini sudah garis Sang Hyang Murba Wisesa.
Seandainya aku tercipta
Pula sebagai pungguk
Mungkin semua akan berbeda
Tapi bukan begitu kenyataannya...
Dan kita harus terima

Sendiri bukan berarti sendirian.
Aku akan baik baik saja.
Kaupun carilah pungguk sepadan.
Sebagai sejatinya teman seperjalanan"

Dan berlalulah kembali Sang Rembulan...
Tinggalkan pungguk dalam kecamuk

Saat cinta akhirnya bersambut,
Saat yang sama ia terenggut.
Bahkan tak lagi bisa titip rindu pada Sang Bayu

Namun tak sesal secercahpun ada pada pungguk
Tetap bersyukur mencinta Sang Rembulan
Karna dengannya belajar bijaksana,
Pun berbagai bentuk akan cinta

"Aku tidak akan apa apa,
Sungguh akan baik baik saja"

Kembali pungguk merenda sang malam
Menanti sang fajar yang menjelang
Read More....

Kencan dengan Sang Kekasih

Hari ini, kencanku dengan Sang Kekasih.
Sudah lama rasanya, tidak berdua duaan saja denganNya.

Kupikir kami memang perlu melakukannya.

Ralat: aku yang memerlukannya.

Setelah sekian lama terpantek layar monitor,
dan jadikan tempat kerja jadi rumah pertama,
selama berbulan lamanya,
Hehehe... akhirnya tubuhkupun menyerah juga.

Balur balur merah jadi penghias cantik badan yang cuma satu satunya.
Depan-belakang, leher sampai tangan.

Otakku pun, masih agak menolak juga untuk kuajak kerjasama.

Karnanya, kuputuskan untuk pergi kali ini.
Jatah sisa 60 hari cutiku rasanya masih mencukupi beberapa jam yang akan kupakai hari ini.

Sebelum pergi, aku mampir beli UC1000 orange, susu Bear Brand,
Nu Green Tea dan camilan kecil.
Persiapan kalo perut kukuruyuk minta diisi.

Yep! Berangkaaaaaaatttt...

Nyasar nyasar sedikit karna Pak Ojegnya ngga terlalu hafal jalan, ga apalah...
Yang penting sampai dengan selamat ke Planetarium, Taman Ismail Marzuki.
Salah satu tempat favoritku di muka bumi.

Beli satu lembar tiket di loket depan, lantas naik ke lantai dua.
Sudah lama benar rasanya ngga ke sini.
Terakhir mungkin tahun 2001, waktu nganter anak-anak lesku dari Kebon Jeruk.

Dan... di sanalah Dia beri aku perhiasan yang lebih berharga dan abadi
dari permata, zamrud atau ruby di dunia: bintang gemintang.

Ribuan banyaknya, ah bukan, jutaan...
Berkerlap kerlip menyapaku.
Di Jakarta jarang sekali bisa melihat bintang sebanyak ini.
Cuma di Bira, Sulawesi Selatan, aku ingat pernah melihat mereka secemerlang ini.

Perbandingan besarnya planet bumi dibanding Sang Matahari,
Sang Matahari dibanding gugusan planet dan bintang lain,
Lantas Galaksi Bima Sakti, yang juga hanya salah satu dari entah berapa banyak galaksi di jagad raya yang maha luas ini...

Aih, aku jadi kembali tidak percaya diri dengan cintaku ini...
Sungguh bukan apa-apa...
Sama sekali tak berharga.
Dijadikan persembahan: pantaspun tidak.
Lantas, apa lagi yang kupunya?

Selesai pertunjukan, melangkah aku ke gedung bioskop 21 di sebelah dalam area Taman ini.
Harry Potter tengah tayang di Teater 4.
Film ini memang populer. Novelnyapun jadi bahan koleksi.
Kubeli satu tiket agak ke tengah. Kursi D10, kalau tidak salah.
Banyak kursi yang terisi.
Tapi kosong satu kursi di samping kiriku.
Mungkin Dia ingin aku tahu Dia ada di sampingku...

Filmnya aku bilang lumayan, meski plot percintaan antar tokohnya terkesan sedikit dipaksakan. Entah. Mungkin aku salah. Aku juga bukan ahli di bidangnya.

Di perjalanan pulang, memandang ke luar jendela taksi Putra yang aku tumpangi,
lewat bulan separuh dan langit yang sama sekali tak keruh,
tersenyumlah Dia di sana.
Khusus untukku.

KataNya:
Tak masalah meski rasaku hanya sebesar zarah...
Dia akan tetap mendatangiku berlari

Bahkan, tak pernah sedetikpun Dia jauh dariku.
Selalu memelukku, lewat udara yang menyelubungi paru paru.

Selalu menyapaku,
lewat lambaian dahan dan daun yang tertiup angin...
Dan berbisik lewat gemerisik dan gemercik

"Aku dekat", kataNya...
"Karena itu, jangan takut"

Dan akupun tak berani untuk takut lagi.

"Tidakkah Aku cukup bagimu?", tanyanya...

Duh... tidak berani,
Sungguh aku tidak berani...

Meminta terlalu banyak,
Aku takut tidak mensyukuri nikmat.

Maka, akan kujalani dengan ikhlas peran yang diamanahkan padaku
Dengan Dia ada di sisi
Sampai nanti,
Sampai mati.

Read More....

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Read More....