Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Love Story: The Closing Chapter

"Hope this email finds you arrived home safe and well...
We hardly able to talk in this trip, so I don't actually know what happen at your end...
I wish everything went smooth this time.
Another thing I want to touch is about my so called 'behavior especially in your last two trips.
You may found me very 'weird' or 'extreme' :P
But it's OK..
You may even found me irritating and upsetting..
For that, I apologize.
I will try to explain it (eventhough you may not require it; or even want it)
I'm doing this because I learned that 'time' (praise God for it) can sometimes be tricky.
It can be felt as forever; but it can also slipped away as a blink without we know it.
I wish we can have forever; but we don't.
And I don't want to be one of those people who regret things at the end of the day...
And so I'm asking you to bear with me for a while...
This is a story about a girl you and I know very well."

There is a girl who has been having her feeling for a guy for quite sometimes.

Don’t ask her why, because she doesn’t know it either.
And don’t tell her about how crazy it is - (for huge differences which exist
in the eyes of the common people) - because it is simply how she feels about him.

There were moments when she wished she could tell her heart what to feel;
but she couldn’t.

Because her heart is free. It won’t listen to her.

Her feeling towards him, however, having the same essence over times, had been
evolved and transformed in many forms.

There were times when it was trapped in a typical format of ‘wanting to own;
wanting to possess’ - which is not a wise format of feeling to have.
Because she suffers - for the jealousy and sadness which occur,
for wanting him to be always around only for her…

And so she tried to ‘transform’ her feeling into a more ‘mature’ format (at least for her).
She simply change her way of thinking…

Returns to the values she always believes into: giving without expecting returns.

Just like what he told her once: "what we can do is to do our best. If other people
turn to be good to us, that’s a bonus".

It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want a return from him…
because if it happens, it would be one of the most beautiful blesses she ever receive…

But she learns not to expect it.
She learns to appreciate and treasure what she could have - instead of regretting what she could not have.

And so she learns to be already grateful and thankful if she can find him healthy, safe, and happy.

She wishes that he could be ‘home’ where ever he is.
Even if she is not a part of it.

She is willing to accept and be happy even if someone else take a good care of him.
Because it is him who is important.
Not her feeling.

And because she-too awares the value of time,
She is encouraging herself to be honest to him about her feeling.

With hoping that he wouldn’t be terrified or intimidated.

If it turns out that he does not feel comfortable about her attention or her feeling
towards him, she is willing to back off.
Because again, it is him who matters.

She would be grateful and happy for the memories she has with him.
Although he may not realize or even aware of it.

Ah, to have that free feeling of giving, is such a wonderful feeling.

She only wants him to know that he will never be alone in this world;
because he would always has her heart and her prays around him.
Where ever he is.

She also wants him to know that he is a very important person in her eyes,
and in her life, and hope that he would take care of himself.
As she couldn’t bear it if there is anything bad happens to him.

She also wants him to know that at what ever part of the world he may be,
There would be someone in another part of the world - wishing him every goodness
on earth..


"I apologize if you find this boring;
But it's a true story.
Wish you good."
"No, your story, and your feelings, are not boring or weird or extreme or anything like that.
How nice it is to be normal, and real, and have human desires and reactions.
There is nothing wrong with that girl.

She talks about 'time', which is the biggest curse for all of us. One day everything is limitless. The next day, well, "We can't do this, because..."

Life as we know it is one big trade-off. We can do some things and not others.

If circumstances were different, who knows.

The guy this girl is talking about wants and needs to be professional at all times because he has seen the consequences of others, and almost himself, when they are not. Maturity has nothing to do with it. It's just an obligations as sure as those that bind her to the hijab or ro the other road markers in your life. And she is also is professional. "


"I wonder...

Isn't exhausting for him to be always a professional at all times?

Are there times when he is simply a 'human'?"



"When he has been 'human', especially in far-away countries, and except for one or teo or three people who understand and respect human nature, he has been more or less totally punished for it.

Certainly he had to stop working because of it.

But he can walk with his head high and be secure in the idea that his name is clean

That lucky guy."



"As she is also a professional,

Is it possible to be a professional and human at the same time?"



"We wonder. The world doesn't help us be so."



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