The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


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Loving You

'Loving you' seems to be a 'constant factor' of me...

Your response or your 'outer forms' are irrelevant;
because it requires none.

I shall never regret the fact that I did;
that I am; and that I will

Your 'essence' remains beautiful for me,
regardless what the 'time' and the 'distance' would say...

You are loved.
And you'll always be loved.

-Me-

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Sesuatu

Ada yang membuncah dari dalam
menyeruak
menelusup diam diam
tinggalkanku
bertanya


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Kepada Setiap Jiwa

Kepada setiap jiwa,
yang telah, sedang, dan akan menyilang jalan hidupku...

Sadarkah, betapa setiapmu adalah indah
Salah satu karya teragung Sang Pencipta
Tak peduli apapun yang kau punya, dan yang tak kau punya
Yang kau lakukan, maupun yang tak kau lakukan

Dan betapa setiapmu demikian berarti
Pada peran apapun yang diamanahkan pada diri
Aih, andai kau memahami

Kesendirian adalah imajinasi,
Sebab sejatinya diri, selalu ditemani
Kesakitan adalah mimpi,
Karnanya biarkanlah ia pergi
Kehilangan hanyalah bayangan,
Lantaran sejatinya Empu, hanya Tunggal yang Satu

Jangan terlena pada kenangan
Karna kinilah yang kau punya sebenarnya
Songsong dengan gagah masa depan
Lukis takdir dengan warna warnimu sendiri!

Andai kau belum tau,
Mengenalmu adalah anugrah
Keberuntungan yang tak terbayangkan

Dan betapa kau dicinta
Begitu dipuja
Rasakanlah
Pada tiap detak
Tiap kejap
Tiap denyut
Tiap langkah
Tiap hela

Ah, dan satu lagi...
Sadarkah,
gurat bibirmu adalah penghias dunia yang termegah
Lebih manis dari madu bunga kahyangan
Lebih cemerlang dari mentari di bumi bidadari

Karnanya, berilah hadiah pada semesta
Hantarkan senyummu, meski satu kali saja

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Dancing

(BDM #1: 4-6 minutes)

(Opening Dance): ± 30 seconds
Yamuna ki tatapare,
Nacatta kanayya,
That-that-thay..ya
Bajette payale chum
Na na na na na na na
A thei thet, tha thei thet, a thei thet
Tha tha thei, that ha thei, tha the tha!

Jane Austin, a British novelist and writer, said:
“To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.”

Maybe that’s why I love to dance so much…

Dancing for me is one of my passions in life.
Although my profession is a researcher in a marketing research company (and you must as well see that I don’t do it that often… :P ), I always consider my self as a dancer.
Dancing is already carved in my bones, and runs in my blood…

It was all started when I was a kid.. maybe in my first year of elementary school or so…
I still remember one time I cried the whole day asking my parents to make me able to join a traditional Jaipong dance class in my neighborhood. (Jaipong is the West Javanese dance, by the way…)
They only allowed kids of RT/RW staffs to join the class, because it is a program of the Kelurahan. Fortunately, I was finally able to join and be the member.

It was really exciting to be able to perform in a lot of places… Taman Mini, Jakarta Fair, Taman Ria Senayan, and some other places I couldn’t remember…
and for a kid who seldom go anywhere, it was like having recreation as well.

And it is also quite nice to get some awards from dancing competitions…

But these dancing and performing activities didn’t last that long, because the area where I grew up in Kuningan was already aimed for this big project of Rasuna Apartment – now is Rasuna Epicentrum.
Everybody went to different places, and the group was dismissed.

After that, there weren’t many chances for me to learn or to perform any dance; except few times in the 17th August Independence Day celebrations.

You can imagine how I miss dancing…

The chance to learn dance came several years after that, when I was in my final year of my college.
I got to know this place called Jawaharlal Nehru Indian Cultural Center in Jalan Imam Bonjol, and they teach Indian dance.
And so I joined.

And you know what…?
When I first touched the dance floor, when I first heard the music, and saw the movements of the teacher and the students…
I realized that it still lived in me…
The excitement is still there… the passion is still there… and the happiness is still there.
I felt home; a place where I belong.

Indian dance is very interesting because it has many ways to express and communicate your feeling.
It’s not only using body movements; but also using facial expressions:
You can be shy (with movement), in love (with movement), in pain (with movement), angry (with movement), seducing (with movement), or happy (with movement).

After all, a dance, (as well as other kinds of arts) is the way of artists to communicate and to express something.
And a dancer needs to be able to convey well on what the song and the choreography trying to communicate.
You need to dance not only with your body,
but also with your heart, with your soul.

Dancing for me now is more about personal indulgence, a practice of meditation.
So although I couldn’t learn to dance formally again, I can still learn how to dance from the great youtube.

My dream is to learn various types of dances: Javanese, Sumatrans, Chinese, or other types of dances.
Not ballet, though… Let’s say I’m just being… realistic… :P

And later on, when I got settled with my own family, I would make ‘art’ performances special for my future husband and kids.
Complete with a VIP invitation.
It’s going to be more like a drama with dances and dialogues, as well as relevant costume performed solo by me.

It can be a tale of Ramayana / Mahabharata from India, Nawang Wulan of Java, or Sam Pek Eng Tay from China.
Not the story of Princess Aurora, though… because I will only sleep during the whole time…

So, what do you call a person like me?
Romantic?
Poetic?
Artistic?
Loonatic? :P

Angela Monet said:
“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.”

So you can call me anything you want;
I’m just going to be keep on dancing…

Anyone feels like dancing with me?
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12 May 2008

Assalamualaikum, Kanda,

How are you today?
Hope you had a good day... :)

Kanda, a few of my colleagues know about these letters I'm writing to you.
The mug, and my plan of having the VIP performances.
I let them now.

This is necessary as I don't want them to continue relating me with him.
It's not very good.

Well, their reactions are various.
Some of them are skeptical.
They said I'm being 'over' or 'too much';.

"What if he turned out to be not as this romantic?
Not understanding all of these?
Not really care & not really appreciate all the things you already did and will do for him??"

...I try to understand that they were reacting like that because they're worried about me.
Afraid that I would get dissappoined. That I'd eventually get hurt.

Well... first of all, I really believe that you are a man who is able to appreciate things,
even though you probably don't understand yet.
I also believe that you are a man of honor... who will honor things.

But at the worst scenario...
I'd say... I'm doing this not because I want you to adore me or anything...
These are only the expressions of how I feel about you...
The way I express my gratitude, my respect, my love... with a pure sincerity.
Not to expect anything. So I won't lose anything... :)

But it does occur in my mind that I'm doing all... that based on my own understanding..
based on my way...

I should have also think from your point of view...
And I will.
The only thing is... I don't know it yet.
If only you can help me and let me know...

What do you like?

Do you like if I cook for you?
No problem.
I like to cook.
I just don't have much chance to do it yet.
But I will...

What cookings / types of food do youlike?
Indonesian? Italian? Japanese? Chinese?
Hmm... I'll find the recipes later...

What else?
Do you like sport? or art?

Do you like to read?
What kinds of book?

How about movies? Or hobbies?
Do you like fishing?
I'd love to learn some fishing! :)

Or do you like travelling?
... That's even better!!! :)

Kanda, I think we can have some fun!!

...I know... I know...
Our lives shouldn't be something which are very selfish...
I understand that, Kanda...

Don't worry... our lives would still be dedicated for others...
I'm reading M Yunus' book 'Creating The World Without Poverty', by the way..
I think he is a man with both vision and action.

Anyway... that'll still be our mission in life.
But in doing that... let's be happy :)
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9 May 2008

Kanda...
Alhamdulillah...
I can do it!!
I finally able to let him go...

It was (and still is) very hard to do...
But I think I can do it.

I pray the Lord to give me strengths into my weak heart...
And He did.

It was quite awkward the first time.
I mean... after the last meeting with him, I was really hurt.
And so I wasn't really sure how to act when I meet him again.

But it went quite smooth...
Awkward at the first time...
But it was OK later on.

I'll tell you more about him later.
I owe this to you.

By the way,
I bought you a present today.
It's a mug. A clay mug by F. Widayanto.
He's a very good artist. And his works are pretty.
I am actually a fan of his artworks.

Anyway, I think it'll be nice to serve you with coffee or tea during your work, or relax time.

Hope you'll like it. :)

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