12 May 2008

Assalamualaikum, Kanda,

How are you today?
Hope you had a good day... :)

Kanda, a few of my colleagues know about these letters I'm writing to you.
The mug, and my plan of having the VIP performances.
I let them now.

This is necessary as I don't want them to continue relating me with him.
It's not very good.

Well, their reactions are various.
Some of them are skeptical.
They said I'm being 'over' or 'too much';.

"What if he turned out to be not as this romantic?
Not understanding all of these?
Not really care & not really appreciate all the things you already did and will do for him??"

...I try to understand that they were reacting like that because they're worried about me.
Afraid that I would get dissappoined. That I'd eventually get hurt.

Well... first of all, I really believe that you are a man who is able to appreciate things,
even though you probably don't understand yet.
I also believe that you are a man of honor... who will honor things.

But at the worst scenario...
I'd say... I'm doing this not because I want you to adore me or anything...
These are only the expressions of how I feel about you...
The way I express my gratitude, my respect, my love... with a pure sincerity.
Not to expect anything. So I won't lose anything... :)

But it does occur in my mind that I'm doing all... that based on my own understanding..
based on my way...

I should have also think from your point of view...
And I will.
The only thing is... I don't know it yet.
If only you can help me and let me know...

What do you like?

Do you like if I cook for you?
No problem.
I like to cook.
I just don't have much chance to do it yet.
But I will...

What cookings / types of food do youlike?
Indonesian? Italian? Japanese? Chinese?
Hmm... I'll find the recipes later...

What else?
Do you like sport? or art?

Do you like to read?
What kinds of book?

How about movies? Or hobbies?
Do you like fishing?
I'd love to learn some fishing! :)

Or do you like travelling?
... That's even better!!! :)

Kanda, I think we can have some fun!!

...I know... I know...
Our lives shouldn't be something which are very selfish...
I understand that, Kanda...

Don't worry... our lives would still be dedicated for others...
I'm reading M Yunus' book 'Creating The World Without Poverty', by the way..
I think he is a man with both vision and action.

Anyway... that'll still be our mission in life.
But in doing that... let's be happy :)
Read More....

9 May 2008

Kanda...
Alhamdulillah...
I can do it!!
I finally able to let him go...

It was (and still is) very hard to do...
But I think I can do it.

I pray the Lord to give me strengths into my weak heart...
And He did.

It was quite awkward the first time.
I mean... after the last meeting with him, I was really hurt.
And so I wasn't really sure how to act when I meet him again.

But it went quite smooth...
Awkward at the first time...
But it was OK later on.

I'll tell you more about him later.
I owe this to you.

By the way,
I bought you a present today.
It's a mug. A clay mug by F. Widayanto.
He's a very good artist. And his works are pretty.
I am actually a fan of his artworks.

Anyway, I think it'll be nice to serve you with coffee or tea during your work, or relax time.

Hope you'll like it. :)

Read More....

2 May 2008

Kanda,
'Giving' is such an amazzing thing, isn't?

It is able to make us feel good...
Very good...

A theraphy of our hollow and dry souls...
A cure for wounded souls.

Actually, to think it over,
it gives us more than what we give...

Isn't God amazing?
(silly question... I know you know it already)

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Thursday, 10/4/2008

Now, you may wonder why I call you 'kanda'...
Well... if you're an Indonesian, I think you already know.

But if you're not Indonesian:
'Kanda' means 'big brother'.
It shows respect.
It is equal to 'kakak' or 'abang'.



Read More....

Wednesday, 2/4/2008

Hi !
Assalamualaikum wr,wb
How are you?
May Allah grants you a beautiful day...

I got a bit cold today. My nose is full and I feel a bit dizzy.
But it is better now after I dance. But now a bit tires and sleepy.

Oh, by the way...
Have I told you that I'm a dancer?
I am a dancer. Always was. Always am. And always will.

It's in my blood.
Printed in my soul. Carved in my bones.

I've always love to dance.
It is something I always love to do.
Actually, there are 3 kinds of activities which I would always love to do no matter what:
1. Dancing
2. Swimming
3. Eating ! :P

Rather than to do other sport (except for swimming, of course)...
I prefer dance. Hopefully it'll bring good to my health. Amien.

Whenever I dance, or swim;
I would feel relaxed...
For me, those are my form of meditation.

What I love the most is to swim at night (around 10-11pm),
where no one is there; in an outdoor pool.

I would do 'gaya punggung' where I face the stars and swim, or even not swimming at all...
Only floating and follow where the water take my body..
It's very quie and I can only hear the sound of water...
It's one od the most beautiful moment...
I hope I can share it with you...

Oh... and the dance...
Other than for my personal indulgence, do you know that I learn those dances for you? :)

I imagine later on... when we alredy be together,
we would have special moments together.

I'll make a personal VIP invitation just for you,
for shows which I would present you the dances...
And it's no going to be a boring show, I promise you...

They will be in the form of mini theatre/drama;
with the dance, dialogues, and characters;
including the costumes which matches the overall theme / story.

I will also prepare the set of the 'stage';
or the rooms on where we would held this performance.

It can be the tale of Devdas from India,
Sam Pek Eng Tay from China,
or Nawang Wulan of Java.

It can also be a tale from Ramayana or Mahabharata,
where I would play Sinta, or Srikandi,
or whoever the character is.

It can also be the tale of the mermaid, or Swan Lake.

It won't be about princess Aurora, though...
'Cos she does nothing but sleep! :)

This is why I would also want to learn as many kinds of dances in the world!

Well, probably not balet, though...
'Cos it's kinda late.
Because I know it needs to start from a very young age to be able to get to the desired/required shape of the body.

I'm 28 now...
Not trying to be pessimistic...
But being realistic instead...
Hahaha...

Anyway, the performance shall be conducted minimum once a month.

I'll personally prepare and make the special invitation for you.

Gosh... hope you like these kinds of art performances...

Read More....

Tuesday, 1/4/1980

Hi!
How was your day today?
I hope it was good as ever! :)

You ask me what this is?
Well... as you can see, it's a piece of ticket movie.

I went to watch a movie with mom & my sister Dayu last Sunday; after the Shiratun Nabi in Lenteng Agung mosque.

Mom has not watch the movie anymore since years ago. So she was very happy.
We watched 'Ayat-Ayat Cinta". It was quite good.
I am happy because we are able to produce good quality of movie; and watched by more than one million viewers.

I'm very proud to see that out of four theatres provided, all of them are Indonesian movies. We have a lot to improve, though...But still... it feels nice :)

This made me think of my meeting with my high school friends yesterday.
I didn't expect that in our generation (well... my generation) there are people who care to this nation, this counry, the people.

I was wrong.
There are people who still have the nationalism and willing to do something about it.
Long live Indonesia...!
Long live the people...!
Bangkitlah!! It's about time !!!
(oops... sorry... I got carried away...)

Anyway, back to my story about last Sunday...

Well... at the time we arrived at the movie place at Depok, we have runned out the ticket. We got the 4.45 pm play. So we had nearly 3 hours to spend.

So we looked around... for shoes.
Mom had been looking for silver shoes which matches her silver purse since 2002!
Six years she has been waiting...

And when I saw her eyes sparkling with happiness... and her face decorated with her bog smile... :) Nothing can beat the feeling...
It was really good.
And I hink I'm addicted to it... hahaha...

It goes the same when I saw the same sparks in Dayu's eyes with her new bag and shoes which match each other...
She was not as expressive as Mom, but still you can feel the same nice feeling...

It was also the addiction of the feeling which also lead me to see the same sparks in father's eyes when he tried and wear his new watch.
And when I saw the gleam of proud in his face...
:) I don't care how much to spend anymore..

... Now don't get me wrong...
I completely understand about the importance of saving and the concept of fortunate vs. unfortunate people...

Don't worry. It's not a lifestyle.
It's just something which is one-time-kind-of-thing.
I think it's ok.
I know you'll understand. :)

It's just that... to see those sparks.. it's priceless.
Beside, it is for them that I live and breathe.
Praise Allah to born me in this beautiful family.
At least this is what I can do for them.
I know you'll understand...
Read More....

Friday, 28/3/2008

Dear you,

Hope it's OK for you - having me call your name as: you.
It's because I don't know your name yet, or anything related to your identity.

But I know you.
You must be a beautiful person..
Beautiful in your heart, your soul, and in your mind..

You ask me how do I know?
Well... that's very easy to answer.
It's because I pray The Lord so.

I pray to Him: that if He ever grant me a spouse; a husband...
then would He please bless and grants me a husband who will be able to bring both of us to Allah's ridho.
As... that is our purpose in life.

And so... my husband would automatically has the qualities required to do the task.
Amien.

I really hope you don't think of me as a crazy person of writing to you... even before we ever meet; or have this bond of ours.

I just want to start our friendship even from now.
As you'll be my best friend.
From these letters, you will be able to know about what happen in my life, my feelings towards everything, and everything about me.
That's what friends are for, right?
To know, to share, and to support each other.

You ask me how would you help me with my problem - although we have never meet?
Well, sometimes listening is a very powerful help.
You may not be able to help to solve my problems yet; but you are listening to me through these letters.
And that's a major help already.

I wish I can be there beside you now to also help you when you need someone.
But we shall not be worry or complaining...
How can us??
We have Allah with us.
And that's more than enough... :)

I'll tell you about a lot of things later...
But right now I'd like to let you know that today they made it official for me becoming a Research Manager for qualitative here, at Acorn Indonesia.

M frances wrote an email to all staffs about the promotion...
And we had a 'bakso jangkung' party in the afternoon.

I realize this is not at all about a fancy tittle or anything like that.
It's a huge responsibility and challenge.
An amanah from Allah which I'd have to be responsible of later when I meet Him.

As of now, my responsibility lays to the clients, to the people who are working in this company, to my family, and to my self.

It won't be easy.
But it is not impossible either.
Wish me luck with this!

Bismillahirrahmanirahiim...

May Allah always leads us in every path we take.
Amien.

Read More....

To: you

My soul mate,
My best friend,
My partner,
My imam,
My love...

whoever you are...
and where ever you may be...


Read More....

Rayi

Hmm… hmm…
Aku bingung sendiri, akan apa yang harus kutuliskan di sini…
Apa mungkin, terbatasnya kata-kata, bisa lengkap menggambarkan dan mewakilkan perasaan dan ikatan yang ada…

Semata-mata hanya atas karunialah, bisa hidup berdampingan dengannya.

Karna lihatlah!
Betapa indahnya dia…

Salah satu bayi tercantik yang pernah kulihat di dunia…
Di kampungku di Pedurenan Haji Cokong dulu (kini sudah tak ada, karena dibangun salah satu proyek raksasa di Jakarta: Rasuna Episentrum), siapa yang bisa menandingi kelucuannya?

Pantas saja, saat dia berusia balita, jika sore tiba, ada beberapa anak laki-laki kecil mengintipnya… saling mendorong untuk bisa menyapanya…
Namun ini juga, yang nyaris membuat kami kehilangan dia.
Ditemukan oleh tetangga, hampir dibawa oleh tukang loak entah kemana,
lantaran mencoba mengikutiku asyik bermain dan tak ingin diikutinya.
Hampir aku tidak bisa memaafkan diriku karnanya.

Waktu dan segala peristiwa yang mengiringinya,
membuatnya tumbuh jadi sosok yang luar biasa.
Setidaknya di mataku.

Baja adalah tekad dan kemauannya.
Namun sutera, adalah hati dan perasaannya.
Jika ada yang namanya Srikandi,
Maka dialah Pratiwi.

Berbekal tabungannya sendiri, berangkat merantau kuliah di Lampung sana.
Tak tega rasanya mengingatnya, sebab ia harus bertahan hidup hanya dari kiriman yang tak layak pula.

Entah berapa ratus malam ia harus berkompromi dengan rasa lapar di perutnya, kalau ingin ada sisa sampai akhir bulan menyapa.
Pun tidak bisa sering kami menyambanginya di sana.
Jauh jarak dan biaya, adalah tembok raksasa yang tidak bisa kami lewati ketika itu.
Hingga demam berdarah dan malaria menjangkitinya, sampai kecelakaan yang membuatnya terlempar di jalan raya.

Namun di sana pula, ia temukan sejatinya dirinya.
Merasa dia adalah dia.
Menjadi dia, dirinya sendiri.
Tidak lagi di bawah bayang-bayang,
Sesuatu yang menurutku adalah ilusi semata,
Karna ia tidak sadar betapa cemerlangnya dia.

Berkiprah dan berprestasi,
Berjuang dan mandiri.
Eksis di sebuah media kampus yang lumayan ternama: Teknokra.

Disayang oleh semua:
kawan-kawannya, saudara kawan-kawannya, sampai orang tua kawan-kawannya.
Bukti luhurnya budi pekerti, bisa menitipkan diri.

Wajar memang, karena belanya pun kepada mereka, tidak usah dipertanyakan lagi.
Menangis saat mereka sedih,
Dan tertawa saat mereka bahagia.
Malah kadang, rela kehilangan miliknya yang berharga - untuk mereka.

Satu lagi: ketulusan untuk berbagi.
Ketika Tuhan memberikan lebih,
Sekali-sekali tidak dihabiskannya sendiri.

Salutku tidak habis-habisnya,
Karena dialah yang membelikanku alat komunikasi,
Semata-mata dari kelebihan kiriman yang diterimanya.
Pun memberikan sebuah mesin jahit plus sedikit modal usaha bagi orang tua seorang kawannya, yang dikebiri pemerintah hidup dan kehidupannya, lantaran dicurigai terlibat organisasi terlarang waktu mudanya.
Itu pun, semata-mata dari kelebihan kiriman yang diterimanya.

Bangga dan cinta,
Hanya itulah yang aku punya untuknya.

Rasa syukur yang tak terukur,
Bisa berbagi masa bersamanya.
Saat jalan bersama di girls’ day out, atau simply duduk duduk di beranda.
Berceloteh dan berbagi cerita…
Tentang rasa,
tentang masa,
tentang cinta.

Menyaksikannya terluka, menyakitiku melebihi luka itu sendiri.
Melihatnya tertawa, serasa aku memiliki dunia.
Damai, adalah memandangnya dalam lelapnya,
mengusap rambutnya, dan mengecup keningnya.

Orang bijak berkata:
Jangan terlalu jika mencinta
Namun kataku: ah, biarlah…

Tentang kini:
Kataku: hadapilah…
Karna ialah yang akan membuatmu jadi lebih kuat,
Dan berharga jadi manusia

Tentang masa depan:
Kataku: mengalirlah…
Lukis dunia dengan warna-warni semaumu!
Jangan pernah merasa terpenjara dengan apapun jua,
Karena sayapmu kan bebas membawamu ke tempat manapun kau suka.

Haaa…jika ada yang mempertanyakan cintaku padanya,
Maka aku akan hanya terkekeh geli:
Bagaimana mungkin?
Hidupku adalah cintaku kepadanya itu sendiri.
Menafikannya, adalah menafikan darah yang mengalir di jantung dan nadiku ini.

Bahkan meski esensiku sudah tak berdimensi,
Dalam sunyi, akan tetap terdengar gaung hatiku lirih:
“I, tapa?
Tayang lunthuna eteh...
Tayang-tayang-tayang, tayang lunthunaa…,
Mau-mau-mau, mau sama lunthuna eteh…”


Read More....

Ukuran Penting!!!

Coba liat ke arah bawah...
Tapi pake mata aja... kepalanya jangan ikutan nunduk...

Nah, kalo pandangan udah kealingan sama pipi,
Itu artinya: udah BAHAYAAA...!!!

wakakakaka....



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Senandung Cinta

Sepertinya,
Aku tidak bisa lari lagi dariMu

Serapih apapun kusembunyi,
Sejauh apapun ku berlari,
Tetap Kau temukan aku lagi

Selayak tak lelah kucurangi,
Lebih tak letih Kau sambangi

Berkali-kalipun aku khianati,
Tak putus-putusnya setia temani

"Aku di sini", ujarMu
Meski hanya sayup kudengar
Malah kadang cuma sunyi
Karna hingar bingar tak terperi

Duhai, namun,
Rupanya tak bisa aku lari lagi

Bagaimana mungkin?
Kau ada dimana-dimana

"Aku di sini", bisikMu
Pada vodka sloki ke lima
Pada Marlboro sampai Sampoerna
Di Inul Daratista sampai Metallica
Bahkan saat birahi membara

"Akupun di sini", gaungMu
Pada bungkusan nasi sisa,
Sampai restoran bintang lima
Pada rupa elok,
Maupun punggung yang bongkok

Pada air mata,
Atau tawa bahagia
Pada amarah,
dan juga cinta

"Aku tetap di sini, akan tetap di sini"
Pada cantiknya Sang Rembulan,
Cemerlangnya Sang Mentari,
Sejuknya Sang Embun,
Dan istirahatnya Sang Senja

Kemarin, hari ini, maupun esok hari
--
Bagaimana tidak jatuh hati?

Meski rasa ini tak berharga
Secuilpun tak bermakna
Persembahan bagi Yang Mulia

Sampai saatnya nanti
Terperas habis keringat sendiri
Dan gemetaran lututku tak bisa lari lagi

Fana-lah aku di dalamMu
Pulang kembali
Pada peraduan sejati
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Cakra Buwana Silih Wawangi

Silih Asah, Asih, Asuh

Paheuyeuk-heuyeuk leungeun

Nulung ka nu butuh

Nalang ka nu susah

Nganteur ka nu sieun

Nya'angan ka nu poekkeun

Ngubaran ka nu gering

Read More....